My Reddit Comment Goes Viral Worldwide and Starts An Important Discussion About Respect
“As [Diabolidoll] indicated, it set the tone for the marriage and showed my complete immaturity in understanding and respecting other people’s feelings. The divorce was the shock I needed to mature in that respect.”
No matter how in love you are, planning a wedding is up there with the other stress-inducing greats: buying a house, dismissal from work and (apparently) imprisonment. But ultimately, all that love, happiness and optimism mean it’s worth it, right? That’s why—although marriage rates are slowly declining—just over half of the UK’s population still put on their finest and say “I do.” However, not every marriage works out—and there are a multitude of reasons as to why. And according to one wedding photographer, there are some telling signs even on a couple’s wedding day.
Having worked at over 100 weddings, Reddit user [Diabolidoll] has witnessed the good, the bad and the ugly, and when someone asked “what happened at a wedding that let you know the marriage was going to end in divorce?”, she revealed a few clues she’s come to recognise.
1. The Cake
It’s an integral part of so many weddings, but how the couple treat the cutting of the cake is, according to [Diabolidoll], a big giveaway.
“During the cake cutting, most brides will say don’t smash the cake in their face (or vice versa). If the other person does it anyway, that’s a huge tell for respect. I know it’s all fun and games, but it’s a big tell to overall feelings.”
2. The Stress
As [Diabolidoll] points out, sometimes the adrenaline and good feeling of the day aren’t enough for some couples to play nicely together—and it’s surprisingly common.
“Fighting at the wedding about petty things. I’ve seen a lot of this. I know weddings are stressful, but you should be able to work through petty small things easily and move on. Almost all of my couples will hold grudges for at least the rest of the night, which in turn, ruins their images. I have to be the one that tells them, ‘look, I know you’re pissed at each other right now, but for the sake of your lifetime memories, fake that you like each other for the rest of the night.’”
3. Control
The bridezilla stereotype has been around for a long time now—and like many stereotypes, there’s a grain of truth in it. And as the photographer reveals, men aren’t exempt from this either.
“If you’re a Bride/Groomzilla then that’s a tell, too. All of my monsters have been absolute control freaks and refuse to let people help them, but then get pissed that nobody helps them. This tells me a lot about your personality and a lot can be seen in your interaction with your significant other.”
But that isn’t all. In response to the photographer’s comments, other Redditors came forward with their stories. Conundrum1 recalled:
“At the end of the reception the guys are sitting at a table away from everyone else talking and we ask the groom why he proposed. His answer? ‘Because she was naked.’ The marriage lasted about a year and a half.”
Freckle_juice_mama revealed how interaction with the in-laws can be telling:
“They spent $50k on a Disney wedding and the bride spent zero time anywhere near the in-laws for several hours. She ran off a week later. This was over 10 years ago. The awful part is that the guy was/is such a wonderful person. He just attracts ‘crazy.’”
But, heartbreakingly, others show how anyone can be swept away by the day, or influenced by the wrong reasons.
c0de76 remembered one wedding in particular:
“During the ceremony when the priest started asking the bride ‘Do you take this man to be your...’, she started laughing uncontrollably and couldn’t stop. It was cute for about 10 seconds and then things got real uncomfortable. They lasted a year and change. We all kinda knew the only reason they were getting married was because she got pregnant.”
And vogelarcher15 described some very telling vows:
“At the rehearsal dinner, the groom’s mum is in tears, because ‘he looks miserable’ and he was, we all knew it. During the vows they had written for each other, the bride starts with ‘I know I can be a pretty terrible person, and I don’t know why you’ve stuck around, but that’s all going to change starting today!’ They were divorced a year later.”
“So...I was that guy, I smashed the cake in my bride’s face when she asked me not to. Heed his advice, don’t do it. She was humiliated and I embarrassed myself. It was the most asshole-y, crappy, cringeworthy, insensitive thing I’ve ever done to another person, especially one I just professed my eternal love for...obviously I regret it.”
We had been to several family weddings (sister, cousins) previous to ours and they did it, so at the time, being an emotionally immature kid, I thought it was ‘my turn.’ She was at those weddings too; that’s why she asked me not to do it. We were married for 6 years, had a kid...then divorced. It was not the reason we divorced, but as OP indicated, it set the tone for the marriage and showed my complete immaturity in understanding and respecting other people’s feelings. The divorce was the shock I needed to mature in that respect. I have since remarried and have come to understand what that means. I am cringing typing this, and her face of disbelief after I had done it is seared in my memory. I broke her heart. The good news is we have a wonderful son and seem to have done a great job co-parenting, and, although I apologized at the time, I have since apologized profusely again and we’ve had a real conversation about it. Don’t do it...I hope this makes someone think twice...it is not funny or cute.” —Dolfox
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